i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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