.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
