Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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