I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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