Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
