Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
