We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
They have beer where we have blood.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
