why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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