My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
