my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
