Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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