I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
