This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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