i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
