It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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