Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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