Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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