thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
There's always time for handjobs
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
