My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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