I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
