Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
