I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
