So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
