i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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