Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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