I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
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