Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
