lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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