don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
