How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
