is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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