I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
