I smell stomach acid.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
