tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
