I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
