I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
