I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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