and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
