It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
