dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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