I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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