Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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