I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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