i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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