apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
