Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
