My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
