Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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