So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
