so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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