On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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