Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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