bring money and cleavage
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
