God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
