Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(425): View more from Washington

i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant

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(410): View more from Maryland

guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life

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(845): View more from New York

YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE

(1-914): View more from New York

YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.

(845): View more from New York

I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER

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(314): View more from Missouri

I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger

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(330): View more from Ohio

A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.

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(815): View more from Illinois

I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday

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