Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
