My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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