I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
