Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
