u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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