Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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