with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
