Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
