haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
