There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
