Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just threw up on my dentist
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
