so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
