I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
