I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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