I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i think im in europe. pls send help
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
