Can i not drive my cunt home
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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