i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
being pregnant is like rehab
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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