Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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