Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
